PM

Artist: Slyvanie

What am I telling myself today?

I'm tired.

Fuck. Fuck. I'm tired. Sick of this job. Sick of this way of life. Sick of sick. I don't wanna go to work.

Let me just get some kinda something that will make me feel able to face what I need to.

Let me put myself in another environment so my veins aren't popping out of my skullcap.

Let me escape cuz it's hard. No one's life is meant to be this hard, or with a mind like mine that never sleeps.
...But I just woke up.

But fuck. I'm tired and hungry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What did I tell myself when I was happy?

That it's ok to be sad.

Why am I tired?

Because I'm dependent.

Let me take my mind of that wanting by creating. Let me go for a run. Let me mind that about that agony. That physicality. It'll drown out everything with gasping, cold breathe.

Maybe I'll take up prayer. Go to a temple. Revolve the source of the dopamine. Reboot my reality screen.

Maybe I'll sit down and write. Just write.

Maybe I'll maybe. Or maybe I'm already in motion.

What do I associate everything that brings me happiness with?

Wish I still drank. Wish I still smoked. Maybe I still do. What says I don't? The interval since I last consumed?

Such useless measurements. Such weightless metrics. Emotions are what triggers these habits and if I can associate the benefit with different habits then I'm...

God I look like a fucking faggot.

Perfect.

Judge me so I don't have to waste time judging myself. Create me so I don't have to waste time creating myself. Measure me with your emotions, try me with your expectations, so we'll never have to say hi. We can be images in the background of our thoughts; in our dreams...
What am I going to eat today?

...Or I can say hi because I know you won't. Because I need to prove to myself more than you that I am more then what you see because our eyes deceive because because we deceive. Because...