the royal i

Artist: Lucian Stanculescu

You're doing a job you don't like, living in a place you aren't comfortable.

Then you get a higher paying job and live in a nice place but you're still perturbed.

You're exhausted; the job requires more of you; takes all of you.

Your social time is spent finding a partner that can compliment your high level of efficiency and your need to nurture and feel belonged on an intimate level.

Your time is spent. Determined by the nature of this existence.

Your creative dimensions are funneled through purpose. As you age the purpose becomes. Often times a child, a lover, a family. No matter, it becomes.

How Americans view family is fairly clear. A faux balance founded on greed for one's own empire. We must colonize and establish dominance in order to have the resources to feel comfortable and provide for our fledglings. And then, when we have achieved the throne, and seen our clones on, we sit and become onto ourselves.

I wasn't taught to begin by feeling a feeling. I was taught to begin by doing what I'm told.

We forgot, WE are all a family.

But there are so many of us. How do we create importance? Hierarchy guides decision, divides us in tribalism. We want the best for we, as long as we is quantifiable, fathomable, distinct.

Business and politics ordinate and dictate tribal discourse and disagreement.

Languages and willful ignorance maintain the spaces between. While competition drives innovation and diversity, it promotes tribalism within the ignorant, and keeps the uneducated blind. Until those spaces between the tribes are filled with a mutual love and understanding we cannot build upon competition. Without this empathy there is stagnation in rules and promoted conduct, normalizing dichotomy and promoting inequality by encouraging others to defy its odds.

Why are exhaustion and tiredness encouraged?

Do we attain a level of focus when our brains can't develop creative landscapes?

What is hope? Is it only present with fear, with oppression, obstacles, conflict, dilemma, plot..?

Hope that things are going to be better? better than? better for?

I guess hope might be as useless as fear when it comes to creating.

Hope and fear are good to control, organize, and manipulate.

I read a famous quote in the paper the other day saying that humanity has been lost when we walk past the openly suffering and homeless without acknowledgment.

When I want to kill myself I remind myself of my suffering.  How it measures to the suffering of the entire being; the entire humanity. Why am I so important?

We all pain. Why is mine anymore than yours? or any less...

Why do I push on when others chose to end it, what do they see...

that I don't...

or what don't they that I do?

Useless abstractions.

I'm a powerful specimen of patriarchy, it's easy to disregard a lot of ailments, environments, consciousnesses.

I'm aware of my privilege yet not of my capacity to exercise it in a way that would reflect what I might deem as a root of positivism other than becoming a medium of expression.

Because there is always miscommunication, misinterpretation, egos and presentation.

Do I like the foundation I build for myself as a channel?

A lot of the time,

No. But, as with anything quantum, yes.